Pup Tails: St. Bernard Commissioned For a Children’s Ride

PupTailsRide

Last week, two-hundred pound St. Bernard Walter Barkley, was commissioned by a carnival company to give pseudo-horseback rides to children. The company decided they could not afford to hire real horses, so they set their sights on more inexpensive talent. Walter was flattered by the request but nervous for the execution: he never thought he was the entertaining type.

There were several performance requirements for the gig. Walter would be required to wear a harness strapped to his back which would then be attached to a chain and connected to a central rotating pole. Walter, along with eight other St. Bernards, would circle around this merry-go-round fixture for one minute and thirty seconds. Only children under fifty pounds would be able to saddle up and ride the big hounds in order to prevent chronic doggy back pain. However, carnival staff would not be able to ask the kids their weight as to avoid harassment lawsuits.

Unfortunately this ride has not made it past the beta testing phase so far. It was revealed that St. Bernards do not like to be told what to do. Apparently the dogs didn’t feel that it was worth their while to parade around in a circle. In one test circuit, eight children saddled up and proceeded to cry as each St. Bernard laid down and refused to move.

Walter quickly realized that this was not the gig he signed up for. The other dogs were highly unmotivated and uninspired. One carnival employee agreed “Walter stands tall among the rest of the dogs, he is always ready to impress and can be easily motivated by the wave of a piece of fried chicken.” Walter was the only dog to successfully complete a ride cycle with a child on his back.

The carnival staff is looking into making the ride a solo venture, featuring Walter. Walter’s owners, Larry and Wanda, are excited to aid Walter in achieving his newfound dream. They proudly admitted, “He never thought he could be a show dog before, he never had the confidence. But now that he sees his potential, the options are limitless.” Wanda is currently speaking with Universal Studios about creating a Beethoven sequel starring Walter. Universal responded by stating that they’d already produced six sequels, each of which were highly unsuccessful.

Dear Niko,

Niko

I tell you all the time how much I love you (I not sure how much you understand!). I thank God daily for bringing you to me. You saved my life. Not in the way you would think about how a St. Bernard would save a life, but by coming to me when I needed you so much. You got me through a divorce and a very lonely time after that. If I did not have you to take care of, and if you had not been there to take care of me, I just don’t know how I would have made it. You are the light of my life, the sweetest dog, and at times the orneriest dog ever–but I would not have it any other way. I will always love you and be here for you. Since you were diagnosed with Epilepsy a year ago, I worry about being without you, but I will do everything in my power to keep you healthy. You have been in my life now for 2 1/2 years, and I can’t imaging what my life would be without you. You have not only enriched my life, but every dog or human you meet instantly loves you. You are a part of my heart and my best friend.

Breed: St. Bernard

My Dearest Capone

February 3rd 2010. Heartbroken and depressed I started scanning craigslist pet section. Sifting through the hundreds of ads I finally came across one. Half Golden Retriever, part lab, and part St Bernard puppies, no picture, born Dec 5th, free to good homes. I called and asked some questions out of curiosity. Ten minutes later I was driving 1 hour 45 min away to go look at three little puppies. I arrived there at 6:30 pm. When I got into the garage I saw an adorable little black puppy. I picked her up, she was black with a white chest. I had almost made up my mind right there until the cutest, biggest, and most clumsy puppy I’d ever seen waddled around the corner, sliding to a halt right in front of me. I immediately bent down to pick you up, and when I did I let out a loud “uhhh” because you were so heavy. You slept with your head on my lap the whole way home. The moment I picked you up you changed my life. I was 18 and did what any girl does when going through a hard breakup, I made a change. Some girls change their hair, get a tattoo, go shopping, I went and got a best friend.

You comfort me and lick away my tears when I’m sad, you entertain me when I’m bored, you provide company when I’m lonely, you make me smile every time I look at you. I love when you shove your rope in my lap when you want to play, the way you make that “arrrr rawwwr garr” sound like you’re trying to talk or singing with the music clock. I love wrestling with you when you dive on my bed in the morning, or when you keep my feet warm at night. I love every moment I spend with you and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You may have been a free puppy, but youre worth so much to me. Sometimes you frustrate me beyond belief, you steal my clothes, my shoes, try to take my keys when I have to leave. You try to become a 110lb lap dog when I’m not giving you my full attention, and you even eat a pillow now and then, but even after all that I can’t stay mad at you. You’re my giant dog child and my best friend, and I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t came into my life that day.