Dear Cookie,


I look into your eyes and I see a sadness that is beyond any sadness I have ever known. And my dear sweet Cookie, as you know, I am no stranger to sadness.  She is a dear and long time friend. But you have a relationship with her I cannot fathom. And my heart still breaks when I think about what could have caused you to know her so well. You know her too well my dear Cookie. No creature should have such sadness in her eyes.

I have seen the scars and I have seen the cigarette burns. I have seen the x-rays of your fused spine. I have seen your filed down teeth and how you still cringe if anyone moves to quickly near you. I have watched you in your sleep as you try to run from things that are no longer chasing you. And my heart breaks for those days gone by. But I want you to know that I am here Cookie. And I will always be here. And even though we met late in your life. You are now safe. And you are now loved and you will always be loved this way.

You were already about ten years old when I saw your photo on the euthanasia list and had to go and get you….and I’m so grateful I did.  You have taught me so much about life- that even the deepest wounds can be healed.  Maybe not forgotten but they can be healed.  It must have been hard for you to trust again. And I thank you for giving me a shot at loving you.

Now when I watch you playing in the sunshine, rolling on your back, chasing a ball (you didn’t even know what a toy was when I first got you), and smiling at me, I can’t express what joy it brings me.  I love watching your happiness grow.  To see your happiness and trust emerge slowly is like watching a Picasso come to life. With each moment, I see more and more of what you were meant to be.  I see more color, more shade, more depth and every day more and more vibrancy and life.  I am just grateful to be here to witness it with you.

I love you Cookers.

Thank you for opening your heart to me.

I wish I had met you sooner, so that I could have loved you even longer…Now…we just need to work on the potty training.




Dear Peanut,


I love you my little Peen, Pina, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Pina Bausch, Peen Peen… Peanut Butter…I love you so much.  How is it that such a little Peanut like you can cause my heart to feel so much love?  I’ll admit, I didn’t think I would ever be a  “Small Dog” person.  But you came into my life and changed everything.  You’re so little, yet so ALPHA.

I never thought I would recover after losing Shadow, my soul mate – who you never met, but was a wise and special, magic cat.  He was my soul mate.  And I never thought I could feel such a bond again. But then you came into my life and showed me a whole new type of love.

Unlike a cat, you’re so needy.  You’re so moody….and you’re so sneaky.  But yes, you are also magically wonderful beyond words and have brought into my life a joy that comes from being worthy of such love, of such trust and such vulnerability.  You have made me a better person though and through.  You’ve taught me patience, and fortitude.  And the biggest gift of all, is that although I’ve never had my own children, you’ve taught me the joy of what it would be like to raise a young infant or child.

And this has been your special gift to me.

As I get older, I realize I may never have that blessing, to have a child of my own. But you have healed the sadness that comes with that thought and have made me realize that I could have been a good mom had the opportunity come my way. By the love I see in your eyes, by the way you nestle into me for safety, and by the way you trust me with all that you are,  you’ve given me the greatest gift of all. You make me feel like I am the best mom ever.

And I thank you.

Now, I have to ask you Peanut:  Where are my panties?

I love you Peanut. For being you- my little sweet, independent, moody, lovable survivor.  I love you.


Mommy; Otherwise known as:  The nose you clean every morning…I should have called you Afrin :)