Pup Tails: Canine Chef’s Restaurant Proposal Rejected

Buddy Nelson, an Airedale Terrier from Pennsylvania recently moved out to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of opening a seafood restaurant. After years of practice perfecting his recipes, Buddy felt he finally had the perfect menu to ‘wow’ even the most selective of taste buds. What’s his trademark? Dog and seafood fusion.

Buddy auditioned for an appearance on the famous ABC series Shark Tank, but didn’t make it past the initial casting stages when the casting team “didn’t understand the concept.” Buddy decided to take his talents elsewhere and provided samples to high-profile investors throughout Los Angeles. Unfortunately, not a single investor responded favorably to his proposal. “We really can’t afford to take a risk with a restaurant run by a dog, especially when his signature dish is a lobster-dog stew,” said one investor, speaking on the condition of anonymity.

Buddy disappointingly resolved to apply for head chef positions at various niche restaurants in Silverlake, hoping to break in from the ground up. He was rejected from all restaurants, on the basis that he lacked professional experience. Restaurant owner Clark Davidson mentioned “I hated to say no to him, he was extremely friendly but his resume was just a big bone.”

Buddy is struggling to make rent as he hunts rats on commission for a Home Depot warehouse. He is still working hard to perfect his recipes so that he can continue to pitch his product, and is currently testing a new plate featuring a Dachshund wedged between a bread bun.

Pup Tails: Google Markets Glasses Product to Dogs

Google is expanding their horizons on the new Google Glasses product and selling to dogs. The new toy has various features designed specifically for dogs to make their life easier. Owners are bypassing the product for their own use and handing over the glasses directly to their dogs.

The doggy features include some of the newest technology in dog communication. While walking, dogs can get a detailed feedback of each grass spot and which dogs have peed on it in the past 2 hours. This reduces sniffing time tenfold and allows the dogs to leave their mark and establish their territory quickly and effectively.

Another feature of the Glasses allows dogs to translate the human language. Just when you think your dog can’t hear what you’re talking about, he’s already 10 steps ahead of you with a response. Their glasses give them a full subtitle feed translated into barks. One owner who tested the product remarked “My husband and I were discussing the leftover steak we were planning on having for dinner and Rex went absolutely insane. Truly destroyed the entire kitchen looking for it.”

For an additional fee, dogs can install a squirrel detector which highlights nearby squirrels in a vibrant red color. The detector also provides the age, gender and speed of the squirrel to aid in attack preparation and accuracy. The dogs tested with this detector all increased their hunting output by at least 4 squirrels.

The product was beta-tested on a group of Korgis who unanimously responded in overwhelming excitement. Unfortunately the Glasses had to be removed shortly after the dogs started peeing all over each other.

Google is excited to see what the future holds for the Glasses dog line. One executive said “We really think this is the next big thing for dogs across the world, we’ve diverted all of our resources into dog research.” When asked why the product research was diverted from human use, the executive replied “People will spend endless amounts of money to keep their dog happy, these glasses will be in  high demand.”