Twelve-year-old Beagle, Edgar Lyons, is set to release his published guidebook on pooping theory next week. This book will include tips on pooping location, what situations are great for pooping and when to make sure to leave a poop indoors. Edgar was inspired to write this book after his own struggle with pooping decisions as well as the experiences he witnessed of other dogs.
Edgar’s owner, Kristen Lyons, walks him every morning for nearly three miles. During those three miles, Edgar is forced to make the crucial decision of where to place his poop. Using his nose, he will sniff vigorously to decide which spot is most appropriate and will nest the poo. In his book he explains how he always hopes that Kristen will leave the poop in the grass so that his scent will remain. Unfortunately, she most often bags it and throws it into “various unknown portals.”
In certain situations, Edgar feels that it is not necessary for a dog to poop even though they might need to. In his book he writes “If your owner seems rushed or stressed out, make sure to hold your poop in and take it at a later time indoors.” He believes that if an owner is not in the right mindset, the poop will not be properly executed. For this reason, it is necessary for a dog to wait and poop in privacy indoors, on a favorite item. “This will assure the most serene and enjoyable experience for the dog and the owner.”
Kristen openly disagrees with the ideology in Edgar’s publication, proclaiming, “Pooping to him is a production, he can’t just go and keep walking like a normal dog. All of this thought is unnecessary!” Edgar believes that attitudes like Kristen’s leave dogs afraid to express themselves properly while doing their business. He hopes that by sharing his experience, he may give more dogs the strength to stand up for themselves.
Edgar’s book also features a detailed chapter on the best pooping locations for a dog’s personality type. He writes: “Shyer dogs may prefer going under a bush to have some privacy and less risk of scent exposure.” He further explains the importance of finding a location that smells exactly right, and that no dog should settle for anything less than perfect. Kristen hopes that after reading this book she may figure out how to get Edgar to stop pooping in her shoes.