After being out of work for the past 2 months of his 3-year life, Ernie the bulldog decided he needed to stop collecting unemployment checks. With nothing to his name but a bone and a chewed up piece of rope, Ernie headed down to his local unemployment office and camped out. Because the office does not allow animals, Ernie has been protesting outside the front doors for weeks.
Ernie previously spent years working as an assembly line mechanic at a local meat factory. “He was a hard worker with superb attention to detail,” stated one line supervisor “He knew exactly when a piece of meat was spoiled or had been contaminated, and he would promptly consume it before it reached packaging.” Unfortunately, due to new sanitary regulations, Ernie was replaced by a robot.
With the unemployment rate still high, Ernie found it difficult to adjust his resume to make his skills marketable. His sense of smell, ability to retrieve, and compassionate understanding left much to be desired for modern employers. After writing up dozens of cover letters, outlining every detail of his work experience and putting on a business casual grin Ernie came up empty pawed.
Ernie believes that it is the government’s duty to provide jobs for those with proper education and relevant experience. With his intense training at obedience school and grasp of intricate whistle commands, Ernie is well overqualified for the jobs he is currently applying for. “A degree from a prestigious boarding school unfortunately doesn’t help much these days,” one government official admitted “it’s all about who you know, not what tricks you can do.”
After sitting outside the office for 2 weeks, Ernie has been offered nothing but a few scraps of leftover McDonalds and a scratch on the head. While people think he is cute, no one has a place for him in their work environment. The days of the middle-class working dog may be over, it’s time for Ernie to suck up his pride and head home. It’s a dog eat dog world and this dog got caught on bottom.